Assassin's Bullet
by Miqila
Summary: Gabi manages to sneak in to the airship, but instead of hitting the original target, the bullet she shoots hits someone else, causing Sasha to be among those who grieve.


**WARNINGS: Spoilers up to chapter 106, character death. You've been warned.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin**

 **Assassin's Bullet**

They won.

They had lost some people again and the war wasn't anywhere near over yet, Sasha knew that, but this one fight they had won. She was safe, Connie and Jean were safe, Armin and Mikasa were safe, and they got their very own Death Seeker back alive, too. Another win for the 104th. Everyone was celebrating, Sasha herself included, but then she heard a loud clang from outside. Well, it was actually a pretty faint sound, but the fact that she could hear it over the roar of the airship and the racket everyone caused told her it must've been loud.

"I heard something" she said, and despite everything Jean heard her and told everyone to quiet down. Next thing she knew, they were all turning around, seeing the child with a rifle. Sasha was about to shout for everyone to watch out, but by the time she opened her mouth, a gunshot already rang through the air. Almost at the same moment, she felt arms pushing her aside, knocking her down. Confused, she looked up, her eyes widening as she screamed in sync with Jean: "Connie!"

She went to the man's side immediately, looking in to his wide, open eyes. Looking down, she could see blood rapidly leaking from a wound on the man's side.

"Oh no…" she said, her own eyes widening even more "No no no no Connie, no!"

She could hear more shots being fired, but paid it no mind as she pressed down to Connie's wound, trying to stop or at least slow the bleeding. Soon more pair of hands joined hers, taking the task off her hands as Jean pulled her back, saying something along the lines of her hands being too unsteady at the moment. It was ridiculous really, to say that a sniper of all things had unsteady hands, but to her surprise Sasha noticed it to be true just as she was about to protest.

"…s… ha… kay?" her attention, along with Jean's, was pulled to Connie as the man tried to say something.

"What?" she heard herself ask as she and Jean leaned in closer.

"Sasha… okay?" they heard him more clearly this time, but Sasha was frozen by the fact that Connie was worrying about her while _he_ was the one bleeding, too stunned to answer.

"Yeah, she's fine" Jean assured Connie after realizing Sasha wouldn't answer "So rest easy, we'll patch you up in no time!"

That's right, it was going to be okay. Connie was in pain and bleeding right now, but they'd patch him up. In few weeks, maybe a month if they were unlucky, he'd be up and running again, driving everyone crazy with his stupid antics. The strained smile that rose to Connie's face assured Sasha of this and, through her tears, she had no idea when she had started crying, she smiled back at him. It'd be okay.

"Sa-sasha" Connie muttered again, and this time the young woman was able to gather herself enough to speak "Yeah?"

"You know… you…" Connie stopped, his eyes going out of focus, but he blinked furiously, like forcing himself to stay awake "You're… like a sister to… me. Like… a twin."

Sasha laughed at that, registering that he was probably right. They had been pretty much joined together by the hip since their early training days, both in good and bad.

"I always did want a brother" she said. Seeing Connie's hand twitching, she took it in her own "Even if it's one who can be a real pain in the ass."

"That makes… two of us…" Connie said, his eyelids dropping shut, but he still spoke while on the verge of passing out "Hey… Sasha…"

"Yeah?"

"I… I love you" to anyone else, it might've sounded like a confession of romantic love, but Sasha knew better, would've known even without his earlier declaration. With a slight blush on her face, she answered with a smile: "Love you too."

Four, perhaps five seconds passed in peaceful bliss and reassurance for Sasha, until Connie suddenly started coughing up blood.

"Connie?" she asked "Connie!"

"Step back Sasha!" she heard Armin say, when had he gotten here, she wondered, and she felt someone hold her back. Feeling the familiar tickle of a scarf on her neck, she didn't need to wonder who it was.

"He-hey Armin, he's gonna be okay, right?" she asked as the blond kneeled next to Connie together with the other soldiers, inspecting him. He didn't answer, but when he turned to look at them, the look in his eyes spoke for itself.

No.

"He'll be okay, right?" she asked again, not wanting to accept it "Right!?"

"…I don't think he's going to make it" Armin finally replied, and it was the last thing Sasha wanted to hear. Fighting her way out of Mikasa's surprisingly loose grip, she returned to Connie's side, taking his hand.

"C'mon you idiot, you're stronger than this" she muttered "You can't leave like this… there's still so much to do… Nicolo promised he'd let us try out the results of a new recipe he's been working on when we get back, remember? I'm sure it's going to be delicious."

Sasha tried smiling through her tears, failing miserably. Squeezing Connie's hand, a little tighter, she kept muttering: "C'mon now… you can make it through… this is nothing…"

Sasha didn't know how long she continued this, could've been anything from minutes to hours, and if someone had asked her later, she would've had no idea what she had been saying, but she'd remember the next words Armin spoke as vividly as anything that had ever happened in her life.

"He's gone"

Sasha felt like the world was shattering around her. She was still holding Connie's hand, could see Armin crying over his body, but couldn't hear it over the screaming. Her own screaming, she realized.

"No!" she yelled, letting out an ear-piercing screech "Connie!"

She threw herself over the now dead man's body, sobbing to his chest, and no one stopped her. She cried and cried, for so long that her throat was sore and her eyes red and puffy, no more tears being able to leak out.

"Hey" she heard Jean say, feeling a hand on her shoulder "You should get some rest."

Why? It's not like she had anything to do right now. In fact, there was nothing that had to be necessarily done until they got home.

"Sasha?" she could hear Jean, but ignored him. Right until she flinched in pain when the man touched her arm. Jean had apparently noticed that since he asked: "Are you okay?"

Of course, she was okay, it's not like she had hurt her arm-

She froze, wheels turning in her head. The arm that hurt, it was the same one she had landed on a while ago when-

"No…" she let out a shaky breath, her eyes opening wide.

She had hurt her arm when Connie had pushed her to the ground, pushed her away from harm's way.

The bullet had been meant for her.

Yet the one it had hit was Connie.

"No…. no no no no _no_!" she screamed, drawing in hysterical breaths "Why, you idiot!? The bullet was for _me_ , _I'm_ supposed to be lying there! Why didn't you let that happen?! Why!"

Sasha was crying hysterically now, having been wrong about not being able to shed tears anymore. She could feel someone pull her away from Connie's body and towards themselves, she could hear that person, or maybe more people than one, saying something, but she couldn't make out the words. Nothing just made sense anymore. Why? Why did it have to happen? They had made it safely on the airship; they were supposed to be safe! This just wasn't _fair_!

"Sasha!" she heard the yell at the same time as she felt sharp pain in her cheek. Her screaming stopping for a moment, Sasha gasped for air, trying to steady her breathing again.

"That's it, Sasha, breathe" she heard someone say, her brain not registering the voice or the face yet, but understanding the stern order. That's right she had to breath. In and out, in and out. She had to breath, unlike Connie who no longer could-

"SASHA!" she felt the same sharp pain on her other cheek again right after she started to scream again, stopping from the pain. This time, she was able to register her surroundings better, seeing Hanji kneeling in front of her with a worried face, hand out stretched and ready to slap.

"Calm down, Sasha, take a look around you" the woman said. Smiling a little, she continued: "We're all here with you."

Still numb and rather out of it, Sasha did take a look around. The one holding her back this time was Jean, and behind him stood Mikasa and Armin with worried faces. And lots of others, some looking at her, some not. And behind Hanji there was Connie who-

"Sasha!" Hanji yelled a third time "Close your eyes and breath. C'mon, do it."

Sasha finally obeyed.

"Good, now listen to my voice" Hanji said, and Sasha could feel the commander's hands on her shoulders "Now stand up along with me, keep your eyes closed."

Sasha complied, clinging to the commander's words, not knowing what else to do.

"Follow me Sasha, just follow me" she did, letting the commander lead her somewhere by the arm, not knowing and not caring where they went. The older woman made her sit on something soft and then pushed her to lay down.

"That's it, just stay there and listen to my voice. Everything is okay…" Sasha listened to Hanji's blabbering, but couldn't really register anything she was saying anymore. Suddenly, she felt so exhausted, so tired, like she wanted to sleep.

And sleep she did.

XXXXX

When Sasha woke up, she realized that she was in the room in the airship that had a few bunk beds. Blinking, she wondered why she was there. How had she even gotten-?

"You're awake" she hears Jean say. Sitting up, she sees the long-faced man sitting in a chair next to her bed "How're you feeling?"

"Good…?" she half asks, wondering why he's asking her that in the first place. Then she blinks, seeing something odd about her hands. She raises them to her face, confused, and sees the blood. But it's not her blood. Suddenly, all at once, the memories hit her.

"Connie…?" she breaths out before feeling a hand on her shoulder. Looking at Jean again with her wide, horrified eyes, the concern on his face tells her it wasn't a dream. Even so, she can't help but ask: "Jean, where's Connie?"

Jean seemed to see it best not to answer as he stayed silent. That, however, was a confirmation for Sasha and the tears started falling again. This time she didn't go in to hysterics, just threw herself at Jean, sobbing to his chest as she felt his arms wrap tightly around her. They sat there for quite a while, holding each other, both of them crying, that Sasha knew. Eventually, she was the first to let go.

"Sorry" she said as she pulled away "I have a vague memory of going a little crazy."

"Happens to all of us; I joined the scouts when it happened to me" Jean said with a wry smile "At least you didn't do something equally stupid."

Sasha let out a dry laugh, saying: "Only 'cause I'm already stuck with you dorks."

"That you are, and will be for a long time" Jean said, patting Sasha's shoulder "´Cause we, especially me, aren't going anywhere."

"Yeah…" Sasha said with a sad little smile, touching Jean's hand on her shoulder with her own "I know."

"Should I bring you something to eat?" Jean asked, but Sasha shook her head "No, I think I can't stomach any food right now. I need more rest."

Jean was watching her, his mouth hanging open like his jaw had been broken. Another place, another time, Sasha would've found it extremely amusing.

"…If you're sure" the man said "I'll come to check on you again soon, but if you need anything, don't hesitate to shout. Everyone's here for you."

"…I know" Sasha muttered. Once Jean was gone she collapsed on her bed, hand covering her eyes as she cried again. This was how the life of a soldier was, it could end at any moment, she knew that, but that didn't mean it'd be so easy to deal with. Besides, how had the enemy-

…

That's right, the enemy. Sasha had already forgotten about the root of the problem. If the enemy, or had there been two, hadn't managed to get on board, Connie'd still be alive. If the enemy had reacted a little faster or just had a better aim, _she'd_ be dead instead of Connie like the enemy had apparently meant. Yet here she was, alive and physically well, while Connie was dead. And all because of one enemy.

"…I'll kill that person" Sasha muttered, getting off the bed with determination. The shooter should be imprisoned somewhere still at this point, she didn't think they'd have been killed yet. She still had time, and she had a knife. She'd make them pay.

She marched out of the cabin and through the hallways. Maybe it was the look on her face or the knife in her hand, but no one dared to talk to her. Not that she cared; she had one destination in mind, one where she thought a prisoner would be. True enough, guarding the little prison room they had made before hand was Floch, looking like he too wanted to murder someone. Upon noticing her, he simply raised an eyebrow.

"Move, Floch" she said "I have something to take care of."

They stared at each other for a while before Floch shrugged, saying: "Sure, you can take over the watch duty. I'll go get some sleep."

This was good, now Floch wouldn't have to get in to trouble. Waiting for him to get out of sight, Sasha finally opened the door, not really prepared for what she saw.

Two little children, aged somewhere between ten and thirteen she guessed, stared back at her with wide, fearful eyes. Their hands were tied behind their backs and the ropes linked to the wall, so they couldn't attack her, but Sasha didn't really pay attention to those details. Her eyes were focused on the girl now, for she was sure she had been the one to pull the trigger, to kill Connie. By all means, Sasha should've killed her, should've _wanted_ to kill her, but as she laid her eyes on the child, all her bloodlust fled away.

For she knew this child.

The girl was without a doubt the one, the one she'd looked at through the scope of her gun earlier on the very same evening and left alone. The girl who had been in the company of the soldiers she had killed.

It was ironic really; Sasha came here for revenge, and now she realized the enemy was on the exact same warpath. The child had come after them to kill _her_ because _she'd_ killed her friends and now Sasha wanted to kill her for the sake of Connie… the world was such a cruel, messed up place. It had to stop, all this just had to stop.

"What, are you here to kill us?" the girl finally spoke as she stared at the knife in Sasha's hand "Or are you just trying to scare us? It's not working!"

Sasha knew that was a lie; she could see the fear in the girl's eyes despite how well she managed to appear brave. The boy was more openly terrified, but he seemed to be no coward either, seeming ready to face whatever came his way. Trained soldiers, these children? She'd been about their age when starting her own training, hadn't she? Together with Connie… No, Sasha couldn't let those thoughts consume her. She had let grief consume her for a moment, yes, but that was over. She wasn't here for revenge.

With a few swift steps, Sasha closed the distance between her and the kids, now towering over the bound and kneeling prisoners with the knife still in her hand. As much as the girl had denied her fear, Sasha could see her eyes widening even more as she got closer. When she kneeled down to their level, raising her free hand towards the girl, her façade broke and she shut her eyes tightly.

"GABI!" she could hear the boy yell out in horror, but she ignored him as she set her hand on the child's head, ruffling her hair. The boy was silent after that, Sasha could see him staring at them from the corner of her eyes, but her focus was on the other child. When the girl, Gabi, apparently, looked up with a stunned face, Sasha met her gaze with her own grieving one.

"I remember you" she said "You were with the soldiers I killed. Friends of yours?" when Gabi didn't answer, Sasha continued: "The man you killed was a friend of mine, like a brother to me, really. I could've never asked for a better partner."

"…Why are you telling me this?" Gabi asked "Are you telling your reason before killing me? Avenging your friend?"

Sasha shook her head, pocketing her knife while at it.

"No" she said "Revenge is what _you_ came here for, isn't it? If I kill you, this vicious circle will just keep going on and on."

If she was being completely honest, Sasha was also convincing herself when she said this. Convincing herself that revenge wasn't the right path, that it wasn't a good idea. She bit her lip, tears starting to rise to her eyes. She had to keep it in mind, and she had to make this kid understand, too. If she didn't, more victims would surely follow. And she didn't want that.

"Ow!" Gabi yelped, and only then Sasha realized that she had balled her hands in to fists, her hold on Gabi's hair having tightened painfully. Hastily, she drew her hand back "Sorry!"

"It's not going to stop" the boy spoke, and for the first time Sasha actually paid him attention "People will just keep looking for justice for the wrong _they've_ experienced, and the cycle will go on and on."

How pessimistic, yet very likely. Still, Sasha wanted to do everything in her power to stop this cycle.

" _We're_ not doing anything wrong, just what these devils deserve!" Gabi yelled at him "They killed Zofia and Udo! And the gate guards! And-!"

"And many others, I'm sure" Sasha interrupted sternly "Just like your side killed many of ours, including the family of Connie, the man you killed!"

Sasha saw the boy flinch, but Gabi just looked at her with a face that said "And?"

"Do you understand?" she asked, tears spilling down her face, which, judging from the children's faces, caught them off guard "All this hatred will do nothing but hurt people."

Gabi was about to say something, Sasha noted, but the door slammed open before she could, silencing her.

"SASHA!" she heard Mikasa and Jean yell out as the two stormed in, pulling her away from the prisoners "What are you doing here? You should be resting!"

Sasha let out a sigh, letting the two pull her away without protesting. It didn't seem like she could get through to this girl, at least not that easily. No point in sitting here with her, then.

"Let's get you back to bed" Jean urged, and Sasha let him pull her along, but they both stopped at the doorway when Gabi yelled out: "Just walk while you still can! I _will_ kill you some day, you devil woman!"

Just a second later, Sasha heard a sword being drawn, and she didn't have to see to know who it was.

"MIKASA!" she screamed from the top of her lungs. When she didn't hear anything more she was convinced that the Asian girl had stopped for now, so she said, much quieter: "Stop… just stop… _please_."

Mikasa didn't say anything, but Sasha could hear her sheath her sword again. Good, no more violence. No more of this. Too many had died already. As the tears fell down her cheeks, she muttered: "I just wanna go home…"

XXXXX

Sasha sat at Connie's grave, alone, her head resting on her knees. The others, save for locked up Eren, had been there too, but had all left by now. First went Armin, she didn't know where. Mikasa followed behind not long after, and for a long time, it was only Jean and her. Around an hour ago, Jean had walked away, too, after making sure she was fine on her own. Of course, she was, she had to be. Connie was no longer there to back her up after all.

She squeezed her hands to fists. Would the war end during her lifetime? If it took fifty years like some had guessed, would she manage to get out of battles alive for that long? What about everyone else, would Jean make it? Mikasa? Armin and Eren wouldn't, that much she knew. Was there a point in all this if they all died young, never seeing the peace they sacrificed their hearts for?

If only the people outside the walls could see all this, if they could understand their point, people wouldn't have to die anymore. But would they ever? Even that child, Gabi, her name was Gabi, Sasha couldn't bring herself to forget her best friend's killer's name, who was an Eldian like them, saw them as monsters, as devils. How could anyone else see them as anything else if they were monsters even in the eyes of other Eldians?

She could hear footsteps, the sound pulling her out of her thoughts. Someone was coming to Connie's grave. She didn't know who it was, but didn't bother turning around to see. If that person wanted something, they would talk. Sasha was in no mood to start.

"Jean told me you'd be here" this voice though made her look behind her immediately. Nicolo "He told me what happened."

She turned back around, lowering her head again. She could hear Nicolo coming closer, soon feeling his hand on her shoulder "How are you feeling?"

"Fine" is what Sasha would've answered had anyone else, one of her comrades, asked her. However, this was Nicolo. Connie's death didn't affect him the way it did them, so she didn't feel so bad about dumping the truth on him: "I don't remember the last time I felt this bad."

Nicolo didn't say anything, the startled "Uuh" he let out not counting. He probably hadn't expected such a blunt answer, not knowing how to react to it. Not that it mattered; Sasha didn't really feel like talking anyway.

"I know this doesn't mean anything, coming from a Marleyan like me" Nicolo finally said after a long silence "But I'm sorry. Really, going as far as to treat a war prisoner like me as a friend, Connie was a good guy. He didn't deserve something like this."

And again, Sasha felt tears rise to her eyes. It did mean something, more than Sasha could describe. Indeed, Nicolo was a Marleyan, a war prisoner no less, yet here he was, mourning at Connie's grave together with her. She remembered the time they met, their first interactions with Nicolo, the way he'd often called them devils to their faces and even more so under his breath. When had he stopped doing that again? Sasha had no idea, but it was a long time ago. He had changed, the bitter and hateful prisoner, so what'd keep the world from changing? All they needed was a chance to show them who they were, like they had shown to Nicolo.

"But it does" she said, laying her own hand on top of Nicolo's, the one that was on her shoulder "It really, really does."

She tried to hold it in but, in the end, she ended up sobbing uncontrollably again. Was this ever going to stop? Would she randomly end up in tears for the rest of her life? She'd lost comrades before, but this… this was too much, how could she handle it? How could she _ever_ handle it?

"It'll get easier, eventually" she heard Nicolo murmur in her ear as he squeezed her shoulder "Even if it feels like nothing will ever be alright again, eventually, it will. The pain will fade, and life will go on. And you need to let it do so" Sasha felt his arm wrap around her and didn't resist when Nicolo pulled her in to a hug "For Connie's sake."

Sasha keeps sobbing for quite a while yet calms down in the end, feeling numb again. Nicolo is still holding her, and her hand is now touching his arm instead of the back of his hand. Again, she wonders when the two of them had gotten so close, how much things had changed in only three years. The Nicolo she met that day would've never done this; never mourned the death of an Eldian, not to mention comforted one. Actually, she wouldn't have expected the Nicolo she knew to come this close to a soldier like her voluntarily, to be in a place like this where he would risk the soldiers' anger. It seems he had guts when it really counted. Sasha appreciated it. She knew that she was safe here, in her homeland, surrounded by soldiers like her, that if anyone was in danger here it was Nicolo, but even so, his presence made her feel safe, like everything would be okay. Odd really, but it's not like she could do anything about that feeling. It also made her wonder what Nicolo was feeling. He was a bit of a coward sometimes, so did _she_ make _him_ feel safe? Or could he perhaps be afraid of her? …No, not a chance, not at this point He wouldn't be doing this if he was. He cared about her, that much she knew, but how much? How far would he go for her, for the friends he'd made here? If Paradis would somehow get invaded by Marley, what would Nicolo do? Would he raise his hands against them without hesitation? Would he kill her? Would _she_ kill _him_ if the need came?

"Ugh…" Sasha whined, grasping her head. It was starting to hurt; why did her thoughts wander in to that kind of direction? She didn't want to think things like that, especially not now.

"Sasha? Everything okay?" Nicolo asked, and she could hear the concern in his voice, which made her feel guilty "Sasha?"

"It's nothing" she muttered, raising her head and looking at Nicolo over her shoulder. She didn't know what kind of face she had been expecting him to make, but it certainly wasn't… well, _this_. The concern written all over his face she had expected, but not this much. His eyes were also a little red, he'd clearly been crying. For Connie? That thought made her warm inside "Nicolo"

"Yes?" Sasha turns around fully, getting on her knees just like Nicolo before wrapping the man in a hug, burying her face in to his neck. She can feel him tense at first, but soon he relaxes and wraps his arms around her, too "Thank you."

Again, they sit there for quite a while. How long, Sasha doesn't know, but she's not in a hurry to go anywhere. And apparently, neither is Nicolo.

Eventually Sasha does pull away, seeing a slight blush on Nicolo's face as she does so. Or maybe the sunset has simply colored his face, who knows.

"Well" Nicolo says as he stands up "Are you ready to try the new recipe I worked on while you were away?"

The small smile that had appeared on Sasha's face disappears quickly. Right, they'd made that kind of promise… she, Nicolo _and_ Connie. And one of them wasn't here to keep it… that was all the more reason for her to do so. She'd pull herself together and live on, for Connie's sake.

"Sasha, I- "

"It's okay" Sasha says, interrupting Nicolo. He seems to have caught on "I'm starving anyway."

She hadn't eaten much since Connie's death after all.

She looks at Nicolo, and he's simply looking back at her uncertainly. Finally, he nods.

"Shall we go then?" he asks. She smiles a little, a sad looking smile she's sure, saying: "Just a sec."

She turns around, crouching down right in front of the grave. She puts her hands on the tombstone, touching it with her forehead as well as she closes her eyes.

"Bye Connie" she says, one last tear sliding down her face before she lets go and stands up, walking ahead away from the grave. Nicolo soon catches up she notices. He seems to have something in mind, but looks like he's hesitating. Finally, he puts arm hand around Sasha's shoulders. Smiling, the girl leans closer to him as they leave the graveyard.

The pain was still there, would be for a long time, that Sasha knows, but she'd survive. She still had so many reasons to do so, one of them next to her right at that moment.

Everything was going to be alright.

 **A.N: And done. This is part of my "I can't believe Sasha's dead" -denial session that's been on for a few months now. Gotta keep her alive in fanon since it isn't happening in canon. Well, that and the fact that I fell in love with the NicoSasha pairing and what could have been had she made it. In fact,** _ **this**_ **was originally meant to be just NicoSasha, but then I came up with that scene that had Gabi and things got a bit out of hand, so yeah… I actually have quite a few different fics planned about the two and I'll hopefully get to writing them at some point as well.**

 **As for the name of the fic… well, I had a hard time picking one, so in the end I just went with chapter 105's name.**

 **And yes, I** _ **am**_ **sorry for killing off Connie, but it had to be done for this fic to work. Sorry!**


End file.
